When I was young there were certain days of the school year I would look forward to, field trips, last day of school, movie day and of course any day when I had a substitute teacher.
This was a free day, the classroom was a mirror image of East Side High before Mr. Clark got there. We really didn't have to take the "sub" seriously, because she wasn't a "real teacher." Looking back I kind of feel sorry for substitute teachers, they were just looking for steady job, kids who would listen to them, and/or just respect them.
Last night in the middle of my new invention "Boyfriend for the day," my friend asked me when was the last time I've been out of town. I thought for a second before answering "Last month I went to a wedding." Answers begot questions, so my friend then asked who did I go to the wedding with. I explained that I went with a female friend of mine, who I believed asked me so she could have someone split the bill with. This didn't bother me one bit, as I don't mind helping someone in need and I got go out of town for a few days.
This didn't sit well with the women in the room. My friend and her friend who were visiting at the time, thought it was strange that I would go to a wedding with someone who was in the wedding. And stated that I am merely a substitute, before asking "Are you always a substitute?"
Its been five years since I've been in a serious relationship and I can honestly say that the last two years I was actually looking. And by looking I meant I went on dates, called first and listened, I made an effort. Which in hindsight was difficult for me, not because I don't like to try, but more likely I don't like to attempt things when I don't know the outcome.
I understand love is a risk most people are afraid to take, but we go to sleep each and every night taking the risk that we might not wake up the next day. During my risk I learned that I have been just a substitute. And like a substitute, I was looking for something steady, someone who would listen to my ideas and respect me as a person. Instead I got spit wads thrown at me in the form of excuses. Or passed over for better prospects who turned out to be lesser men. Oh and NO SEX!
I now understand that I allowed myself to be put in this situation. I compromised my morals when it came to the opposite sex, because I didn't want to seem selfish. But sometimes its ok to be selfish. You're needs and wants shouldn't take a backseat to others, especially if you and the other person aren't in a relationship. I learned that I have to be upfront with women, when the time comes and I would like the relationship to go further than it already has. If not, I'll be subject to a substitute teach for the rest of my life.
