Dreams and The Side Chick Mentality
I think I naturally gravitate towards playing the devil's advocate. It is just in my nature to question everything. Sometimes I provide the good when people can only see the bad, but in most cases I tend to provide the not-so-good aspect. I am a self-proclaimed realist. I believe in grounded decisions and aspirations. Now that you have a brief background of my beliefs, here is what sparked this blog:
I was on Facebook when someone I know posted a status regarding a conversation he had with a mother of a 17 year old. Essentially, the woman described her 17 year old son as a basketball fanatic who had been playing ball since he was 5 years old, admired Lebron, and had aspirations to make it to the NBA. His mother expressed her doubt that her son would make it to the NBA and the gentleman who posted the status was taken aback. He alluded to the fact that she was a dreamkiller and that it was sad especially since she is a parent. Many people weighed in on the status and a majority of them felt the same way as the status initiator. They stated how they were their kids' number one fans and how they have and will always support their kids no matter what. As you can tell from my introduction, I didn't really agree.
Call me a dreamkiller or bad parent or whatever you want. I think that mother has every right to believe that her son might not make it to the NBA. If it were easy to make a career out of basketball then we would have a lot more ball players. It is not an easy feat. Dreams alone do not get you to your goal. Hard work is what gets you places. Parents walk around sprinkling fairy dust on every problem and defeat and wonder why their children feel entitled or why they cannot survive in a harsh world. They choose to ignore the fact that she started him in basketball at 5 years old. He did not drive himself or pay his own way. She believed in him. She has allowed him to pursue his hopes and dreams for 12 years. However, she has seen his failures, his work ethic, and his strides. Maybe he doesn't put in the work that he needs to in order to get to the NBA and she has witnessed this firsthand.
How many of you have ever seen someone walking around in the most ridiculous outfit and thought: "Nobody told them they shouldn't have worn that?" or watched American Idol and wondered who convinced this person that they could sing? If you say you haven't, chances are you're lying. This phenomenon was created by "yes men" in the guise of supportive people. We don't want to crush someone's dreams so we continue to tell them that they have talent or that they are moving in the right direction when they really aren't. I refuse to do that as a parent, friend, family member, or citizen of society.
Children should be encouraged to pursue their passions. Parents should strive to help their children explore their passions and find tangible outlets. For example, your child shows an interest in drawing. As a parent you could introduce them to the idea of architecture or interior design. My son loves football. He's been playing tackle football since the age of 6. I sign him up every year, pay his fees, take him to practices and games, and go to extra football activities such as combines. However, the reality is that he's small and only moderate in the speed department. His dad and I work with him on speed, drills, and skills, but we are realistic that he might not make it to the NFL. That is why we talk to him about other things he likes. He told me he would love to do a job that involves the weather which is something that he might not have even thought to pursue had we not prompted him to think outside the box.
So the question then becomes: when do you stop pursuing your dreams? And is there ever a point when it is acceptable to stop being supportive of someone's dream? The dreamers and #1 fans will say never. False. Dreamers, do not fall victim to the Side Chick Mentality. A side chick is a girl who has aspirations of being someone's girlfriend, fiancée, wife, or just the person that they claim. She dreams of becoming this person's main girl so she does everything right: cooks, cleans, never complains, etc. She spends years being the side chick because she "knows" that one day she will be the main girl. What she fails to realize is that had she opened up her scope she could have been someone's main girl a long time ago. In other words, don't get so wrapped up in pursuing something that you miss out on truly being great in something else. In regards to being supportive of someone's dreams, if they have talent and drive they will go places. If they have talent OR drive, they MIGHT go places. If they have neither, their dreams mean nothing.
