I weaved through traffic, 15 miles above the posted speed limit, but my mind was racing at a faster pace. This is normalcy for me, confusing to most. I just finished doing a podcast and was heading to work. No one looks forward to work, maybe porn stars but that's it, and I'll be willing to bet they even have days where they want to call off.
I arrived with three minutes to spare, got dressed in my car and headed in. I typically have 30 minutes before I have to start doing any actually work. During that crucial time I'm on my phone or tablet, reading tweets about the weather, men who ain't shit, and/or how life has no meaning.
I don't know what prompted me, but I decided to tell my co worker about a phone call I received last night. A female friend called me and told me her and her boyfriend were broken up. After dishing a few details about the conversation, I asked him rhetorical question.
"How can I be an asshole and a sweetheart?"
Every woman I've had interest in or whose had interest in me, has called me an asshole. My last girlfriend used it so much I began to think it was my name. But when anyone refers to me as such, I merely state that I'm not an asshole, I'm honest and nonchalant... ok from a distance I can understand how I can be mistaken for an asshole.
My coworker then asks me about another woman I brought up a few days ago. I tell him about our relationship, how at times I cannot figure her out.
No one in my life has been this perplexing. At times I believe she's "in like" with me and at other times I feel she goes out of her way not to like me. We bicker as if we're an old married couple but we really haven't had any physical intimacy, so I guess the old couple analogy works. Often times I feel as if I don't have the patience for the relationship.
I began to tell my co-worker about my ex. The last woman I was in a relationship with. The only woman who has seen every side of me. She recently wanted us to talk more, prompted by her thinking about us lately. I accepted the physical challenge, but after several attempts didn't come up with the flag.
In the midst of dishing details of my so called life, I couldn't help but think of Nick Miller. Nick Miller is bartender/writer on the television show "New Girl." Nick is a procrastinator who is in love with his best friend/roommate Jess. Lately when raised with a conflict Nick often speaks with Tran, an old Asian man who doesn't speak. Well maybe Tran doesn't speak English and during some scenes its hard to tell if he even understands English. He just listens to Nick's problems, by not saying a word Nick works the problems out himself and gives Tran the credit.
I was at ease telling my co-working all about my rubix cube of a love life, because he didn't know any of the colors. He could be completely objective as long as what I was telling him was the truth and nothing but. And I have a knack of making everyone in my life looks as innocent as possible when I discuss my problems. After going through every nook and cranny, he asked me a question that in the past year I somehow didn't ask myself.
"If you could be with any one of the three women you mentioned, which one would you pick?"
And without any hesitation I answered.